not now but soon

**The role of Hayley is being played by an actress who doesn't care what you think.

"Follow the rules. Follow the rules. Follow THE RULES!!!" he said.

"The rules suck. Let's do it this way." she giggled. He was so cranky when he didn't get his own way.

"No. Look. Right here," he pointed. "You signed right here and said you'd follow the rules."

"Mhmm. I see that. I did sign that. And I'm sorry. But those rules don't work for me. Look, let's do this .. make each 3 an 8 and then all the zeros could be turned into 1's. Or we could add two to everything and then round down!" She was trying to reason with him. Futile.

"No!" he repeated. "First, you can't round down here. What does that even mean? You're being silly when you need to be serious."

"Why? Serious is boring and sad. I'm tired of being sad. And serious. And following rules. And disappointing people because I won't." She flipped her head.

"Why do you sign things if you don't want to?" he countered.

"I don't know. I always intend to but the colors are never right. How can someone who doesn't know me, think that three can possibly be blue. Blue is so sad and so effin' serious! I can't!"

"If they say that three is blue then it needs to be blue. You agreed that you'd make three blue." he sighed. " What color is three?"

"I don't know," she repeated. "It's whatever color looks right at the time. Why does it always need to be what they say?"

"Because it's the rule! And you agreed. Try it. Just once. Try it!" He plead.

"I have and I will again. Not now but soon." She smiled then because today three would be yellow.

eh..

WE ARE ENSLAVED
The Working Title

I was licking the wound on my side
Just like the animals I see at night
Dragging me through the depths of
My mind the fear closes my eyes
Wishing I could be folded up tight
In the walls of the castle that I
Built for myself with the purpose of
Keeping the world out of my sight

Why was I the one eating you
Up over the phone bringing the
Wind straight to my door
like ice on the
Road spin around and round

I have witnessed a bird in my time
On a schedule for days of its life
Charging and slamming
its fragile body
Against the window while I
Am reminded of yesterdays pain
And this mirror is revealed to me
We never change or
learn from mistakes
It's a shame we are enslaved

I lost time once again
There you are
Turn me on
Touch my skin
Free my heart
Now and let me fly

j u m p ..

Khaki gray walls
Dark gray stripes
Horizontal
Defining each floor
Peering over the ledge
Squinting
Black marble tile below
Windows reflecting rainbows

First one foot
Then the next
Steady steady
Counting
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Release the left hand
Then the right

Weightlessly
Arms rising
Sun on her hair
And shoulders
Lifting her face to its warmth
Standing on tip toes

One deep breath

And

She

Jumps

...

i was right.
i won't make that mistake again.
but i was right.

the steps

"You must remain on line" The Voice announced.

Ugh. She disliked The Voice. She was standing on line in the hallway at the top of the steps. She rose up on tip toes attempting to see past those ahead. She whispered in his ear "Can you see anything yet?" He shook his head. Same as he always did. He never looked back. Never spoke to her. Just shook his head when she asked and stepped forward when it was his turn.

Unlike him, she looked back. The line was getting longer and longer. She considered falling behind and letting someone else take her place. "That is not permitted" The Voice said. She cringed. It always knew what she was thinking.

She made a plan. Every 3 steps, she would ask. She didn't want to be too annoying. One, two, three steps. One, two, three times .. "Can you see anything yet?" One, two, three times he shook his head. Damm, why can't I see up there. She turned around, "What do you think is up there?" The people behind her all shrugged, as if they didn't even care. Fuck this! Was she the only one that cared? "YES", The Voice said. There it was again.

Oops ... six x three had passed. "Can you see anything yet?"

He turned around and looked directly into her eyes, "No one can see anything. You just have to wait."

Shit.

...

I've been out of town for a few weeks. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until I lay down on my bed. Ginger, happy to see me, curled up close, insisting I scratch her chin. I could feel my muscles untwist and let all the air leave my lungs. I was home. It's not permanent. I'll be leaving again (most likely for good) in a few days. But the smells and sounds of home are reassuring and comforting.

I
love
my
life.

it should be ..

It's not about YOU! Everything isn't about you.

I know that.

Then what's wrong?

I hate this.

What?

That everything isn't about me.

That's absurd. You'd hate it if everything WAS about you.

I have an idea.

What's that?

Let's try.