epicness please ..

I want something epic to happen
because
I'm restless
and uncomfortable
and unhappy
and frustrated
and mildly annoyed
at life

and someone stole all the good words
give them back

On being murdered ..

I've resigned myself to never kissing my true love. I've accepted that I'll never know who my crush is, let alone talk to him. I realize it's possible my mother will be murdered in her sleep by some toothless demon. If you find me dead in the morning, I was stabbed with a bloody knife by the ghost girl that lives under my bed.

And I gladly accept responsibility for all these things because I refuse to repost or forward chain texts, bulletins, and now status comments.

So bring it on. I don't mind being lonely, un-kissed, unloved, or murdered if it means I've spared some other poor soul from wasting their time reading that junk. If you want to write, get a blog. If you feel inclined to repost bulletins, find an artist, photographer or musician that would like your help. Quit spreading crap. Your crush won't like you anyway.

My thought for the day.

Parroting Platitudes

Whatever was she talking about
Sitting across the room
Parroting platitudes
And pieties?
Advising advice
"Forgive and forget"
I bite back bitterness
And politely decline,
"No thanks
I'd rather not."

Isabella says..

Boys are dumb
Let's play Barbies

oh to be 7 again

My Castle

Last night I bought a castle
And wandered through the hallways
It was surprisingly warm and bright
For a castle at night
Sun shone through the windows
Flooding every turret and drawing room
Everyone I ever knew and cared about
Lived in the castle
And my cats
The closets were magical
So that whatever I wished to wear
Would appear and was perfect
Music played at the mere thought
Of the tune
And in the seven massive kitchens
There was an endless supply of
Popsicles and Latte's and Green Beans

I love dreams

the dream ..

Months and months of
Fuzziness
Insecurities
Unknowing
Indecisiveness

Then..
Sometime in the early hours
I had a dream
It was wonderfully soft
When I woke
Everything was clear
A sigh and a smile

each day...

each step
brings her closer
to the end
and
what she longs
for

it is visible
and palpable

there is no slowing
or hesitation
only

dreaming
and
wanting

there are no
barriers but

herself

the plan

I planned on eating lemon cookies,
calling you and leaving a message.
*beep
I ate a cherry popsicle and didn't.

...

And finally ..
there is peace,
contentment
and my skin fits
sigh

breathing..

i want it on the record that

breathing

is over-rated

endings

I keep starting, then discarding blogs about the end of the school year, graduation, prom .. all that stuff. I just don’t seem to be able to capture my thoughts or feelings. I either end up sounding like a complete emo lunatic, “It’s the end of an era. It’s so sad to grow up. What if I’m a complete failure?” Or a writer for the social section of the local hick paper.. “The class of 2009 held their prom this weekend. The ladies of this particular graduating class appear to be very well endowed and evidently were proud to show it. Many of the gentlemen were wearing tennis as opposed to dress shoes. Once the dancing began it was apparent why.”

But it does seem that I should be able to string together some meaningful sentences about this particular turning point in my life. So I will say this. Prom was this past weekend. It was fun. Everyone looked lovely and a good time was had by all. Today we went to Six Flags and rode roller coasters and spent a lot of the day standing in line for that. We ate cotton candy, caramel apples and tons of junk food. No one puked, surprising given that a good many of us were either still slightly tipsy or hung-over from last night. Those of us that weren’t driving fell asleep on the way home. The weekend was over.

Graduation is in a few weeks. It should be interesting. We'll all look the same in our caps and gowns and there will be a good many parents with tears in their eyes. Some of them just thankful to have survived our teenage years. I'm guessing there will be at least one speaker who tells us that we are the future of this county. I’m not having a big party but most of my friends are so that should keep me busy for a few weeks. In any case, that will mark the end of my rather untraditional high school career.

See? Neither meaningful nor about a turning point in my life. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel it is one. It feels like the end of something that I’m glad to have behind me. I’ve done as much planning for what comes next as anyone can given that no one can be sure. So for the first time in many weeks, I feel at peace with things in this moment. Maybe I should stop writing.

awkward

i like
awkward people
awkward times
awkward moments
awkward words
in fact the word awkward is awkward
and i mistype it often with 'akwkard'
i'm not editing or saving or re-reading this
it'd be awkward and i'd delete it

i'm hungry and think i'll eat some waffles
they aren't awkward but i've been thinking about them.

that is all