self-titled crap

haunting?

Someone told me they had a dream about me
This is the third day in a row
Maybe I have become a ghost
And haunt people in their dreams
But have no real substance in their lives

It is .. unsettling.

Butterflies Mistaken

It was born in a flourish
Of wishes and wants
And knowing that it was
Possible

Each missing a piece
That would complete
A thought
A feeling
A note
A song

The piece was oddly
Shaped
From the miles
It appeared a fit
Butterflies
Were not easily
Mistaken nor
Matched

Time
Revealed
Only
Moths

(for chris. because we never really know for sure.)

the dollhouse

I had a dream that I was in an antique store. I was there with someone that was supposed to be my mother, but she wasn't my real mother. There in the dark, musty, crowded room, on a table covered with a beautiful old jacquard table cloth, sat a doll house. I was fascinated. It was crudely constructed and painted entirely in black. Yet I couldn't take my eyes off of it and I longed to possess it. In the store was a young couple who appeared to be in love. They were looking at the doll house as well. I heard them approach the clerk and begin to dicker about the price. Suddenly I was overcome by panic. It didn't belong with them. It belonged with me! I looked up at my mother. There were no words exchanged. The next thing I remember is walking out the door with the doll house.

I was very pleased and yet incredibly sad at the same time. I don't know why. The dream got even odder. On the way out, I saw you. You held the door open for me and I smiled and thanked you. You nodded and laughed. It was as if we no longer knew each other. When I woke up my pillow was wet with tears.

I wouldn't call that a dream exactly, nor a nightmare. Maybe it was a premonition.

restless

sometimes i wonder
why contentment never
lasts as long as its
opposite

..memories

moving on is always harder at 3 a.m.
when everything is quiet
and memories flood back
drowning my resolve
so that i can barely breath
i long for the sun to rise
and send them back
to the recesses of
yesterday

un..

I stood on the edge of forever
And counted
Steps
And watched
As my feet
And heart
Took me in directions
Unknown
Unplanned
Unbidden
Unwanted

oh the time..

I have spent hours counting hours, wasting hours
Talking silently to the gods that align the stars
When the moon answered aloud
And his voice echoes in my head
Telling me what I already know

a reflection

For the first time in many weeks, I feel like things are coming together.

Last week I went to Chicago to find an apartment because I'm moving there in 27 days (yes I'm counting) to attend Northwestern. While apartment hunting, I found the most perfect little cottage that I desperately wanted but things didn't work out. Bleah. Ultimately, I ended up with a white cookie-cutter box of an apartment and it will be fine for the first year (although now that I've seen that house, I'll definitely be looking to move next summer!).

I was traveling with a friend and before we left, he informed me that he had been able to get tickets to Lollapalooza. I'd heard a lot about the 3 day music festival but had mixed emotions about attending. I had been in a very weird mood for a few days before leaving and I was so tired after all the apartment hunting that I almost decided to fly home instead of staying. I am so incredibly glad I didn't. It was three of the most amazing days of music, art and cultural happenings that I've ever seen. Please take a minute to read the re-caps and look at the videos/photos. Trust me, if you EVER have an opportunity to go, it is well worth it.

The trip, which included 30 hours of drive-time, also proved to be a time for reflection. I have spent a lot of this past spring and early summer filled with doubt and insecurity about who I am and what I want. That seems to be changing. I'm sure there will still be times when I'm scared and will wake up at 3 a.m. and write something sappy and emo. But for now, I am content.

hope

shadows dance across the ceiling
as the silent tv flickers
illuminating the inside of
my eyelids
I struggle
to recapture the feelings of
the recent dream
thoughts, scenes
and words from the day
wash across my mind
pulling sands of nonsense
out to sea
leaving
hope